Post-Fellowship Withdrawal: Healing
It was a hectic program & a hectic return to reality.
I still have yet to reflect on my Marshall fellowship experience in a blog entry; I will get to that someday, hopefully soon.
It has been difficult trying to explain my trip to others, especially when receiving blank stares after going into detail about some of my adventures. Coming back to the daily grind of the corporate world was painful and in a way, still is. I’m envious of the Fall fellows who are starting their program this week.
I’ve also been busy (as usual), but it feels even more so since I haven’t had a chance to really settle in since I got back in early July.
Since I returned, I’ve:
My back problems haven’t gotten much better, and I feel that it is my body’s way of telling me to slow down. For the last few weeks I haven’t been able to practice yoga, run, even walk, sit, or sleep without feeling chronic back pain. I’ve felt myself slowly move into a negative space, and, as insecurities resurfaced, I’ve started to feel sorry for myself.
Today, my beautiful friend Sasha came to visit me and performed an energy healing session. I hadn’t felt that relaxed since I was laying on the black sand beaches of Santorini.
We then spoke of ways for me to get out of my funk. I realized that in the midst of playing catchup since the program ended, I forgot what’s most important:
Taking care of my myself. This happens to me often when I get caught with so many obligations that I focus on my to-do lists, which does not include time for relaxing.
It’s been ages since I started the day with a meditation session or ended the evening by releasing any gratitude, frustration, or other thoughts in my journal. She told me to use the downtime to heal externally AND internally, and she gave me a new mantra to help me focus as I heal:
“I am getting better and Better and BETTER
Every Day
And in Every Way.”
I am recharged and ready to face whatever challenges come my way… and I will heed a friend’s advice and take a personal day soon, just because I deserve it.
Some pictures from the last few months:
Mom, Auntie, & Lynn in LA
Meggy & Katleya in LA/San Diego
Jazzy & Pierre’s Wedding
Natalie & Mike’s Wedding
Jun & Ryan’s Wedding
(Note: I STILL have not finished uploading all my MMF pics, since I prefer to post highlights rather than several hundred photos. Since my focus is now doing things that will help me heal, I’m setting a realistic deadline of Christmas for this to be done. Stay tuned…)
