Contradiction, Complication & Conflict
From a fun Friday night catching up with an old Chitown friend at a yummy pizza place & meeting other friends at the Penthouse late night to a reflective Saturday afternoon at home in bed pondering my single-ness, it’s been a strange, unbalanced weekend.
I’m in a weird state right now… nearing the age where the clock starts ticking yet still wanting to explore what’s out there and do all those crazy things one doesn’t get to experience while in a serious relationship.
Yet, I fear the old single cat lady is going to be appear in no time.
Contradiction?
Most certainly, I’ll be the first to admit it!
I think the blows of my past failed relationships have resulted in a guarded, careful, distrustful Jamie, at least when it comes to starting something new.
And, while it’s fun being single & carefree, what happens when “casual” becomes complicated?
It turns into… well, some serious inner conflict and, sadly, the loss of a newfound friendship.
What happened to the Jamie that moved out to Hell-A on a romantic whim? Or the Jamie that decided to give him a second chance?
Oh. Yeah.
That.
The flipside, I guess, is turning stone-cold & not allowing myself to relive the pain (joys of being in love?) once again.
Can someone tell me how to find that middle ground between falling too hard and being too careful? I don’t want to keep doing this to myself, because either way, I don’t win.
Please help! Otherwise, I’ll have to explain to my mom that the cats are her grandkids.
*sigh*
Anyways, on to something a bit lighter…
I successfully completed 5 days of a liquid fast (giving myself a pat on the back - that shit’s not easy!) and now’s the perfect time for my newly-cleansed self to get away & explore the other side of the world…
I will focus on having fun, being free, and enjoying everything the Land Down Under has to offer: from rainforests to Koalas, from the Great Barrier Reef to the Sydney Opera House, from Hobbitland to a beautiful New Zealand hike… Our itinerary is PACKED, just how I like it.
I’m off in a few days and I’ll return with some crazy stories for your reading pleasure.
G’day, mate!
March 12th, 2007 at 7:07 am
hey manay,
yay! i’m writing a comment.
well, only you will know when you are ready to get beyond that “i hate relationships” phase into the “i’m ready to find something”. trust me, i know how it goes, but it’s always good to be single for a while to remind yourself of who you are - alone - without anyone else to depend on. i know it sounds bad, but trust me, if you can get through something alone, you can pretty much get through anything - and having someone by your side makes it all that sweeter.
just enjoy this time right now. you’ll have good days and bad days, as with anything. but i’ll always be here for you!!!! love you!
mom already has 2 grandkids - tigger and talin - whether she likes it or not! =)