Jamie Hilao

I finished reading Eve Ensler’s The Good Body while getting my car serviced this weekend.

Eve Ensler, the feminist who came up with the brilliant Vagina Monologues, obsessed with her “full” stomach? Who would’ve thought?

Strange, I never focused, I mean really focused, on much I’ve tried to fix myself until I read this book.

You’re thinking, yeah right, how can Jamie, the twig, who can eat all the junk food in the world, complain about her tiny body?

But that’s just it…Girls are made to feel that they aren’t good enough, and most of us spend time trying to “fix” ourselves on the outside, from the “Prom Queen” to the “Band Geek”… sadly, it follows us from our teens into the adult world.

And how is it that I’m able to recall all of the things I’ve heard said to me that aren’t so positive about my body so quickly, and not vice versa?

* “All you need is a push-up bra and you’ll be golden.”
* “You’re not too skinny, you just need to gain 10 pounds, in your T & A…”
* “Um, glasses don’t suit you. You need to get contacts.”
* “When are you getting your braces?”
* “Bozo the Bush…”
* “Wow. Those birthmarks are prominent.”
* “You’re cute, but you’re too short.”
* “Get over here, matchstick legs.”
* “How is it that you’ve got those hips, but no ass?”
* “Stop drinking all that soda. Your belly’s going to fill out and you’ll look like an Ethiopian.”
* “Are you going to wear that bathing suit?”

Frankly, the “beautiful” women in L.A. disgust me with their fake tits, Botox injections, face lifts, liposuction & overall obsession with their physical appearance.

But aren’t I just as bad? These insecurities existed long before my move to this superficial town but for some reason heightened when I got here… despite my disgust with such women.

I’m tired of wanting to look like someone else.

I’m especially tired of painting, plucking, waxing, shaving, primping, styling…

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with feeling good about how you look and dressing yourself up…

But often times women fall into the trap of becoming so obsessed with their outer selves that they forget that real beauty comes from within.

Loving my body, despite its imperfections, and making the best of what I have naturally, is what I need to… and will… strive towards.

Maybe what I tried to get rid of is the
goodest part of me.
Think Passion.
Think Fat.
Think Age.
Think Round.
Maybe good is about developing the capacity
to live fully inside everything.
Our body is our country,
the only city,
the only village,
the only every
we will ever know.

…
Our body is the carrier of the stories
of the world
of the earth
of the mother.
Our body is the mother.
Our body came from the Mother.
Our body is our home.
We are crying here.
We are found.
We are women.
We are too much.
We are empty.
We are full.
We live in a good body.
We live in the good body.
Good body
Good body
Good body.

–Eve Ensler, The Good Body

This entry was posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 3:25 am and is filed under Jamie, Random Thoughts, Book Club. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.